Stay away…I bite.

Stay away from me

Stay wherever you are

Closeness is a trap you lay

Distance reversed its meaning in my life

I love distance and anything distant

Stay away from me

Keep those hands in check

Dont talk dont act because

I am not listening

I dont care what you have to say

The silhouettes of pretence and lust

No longer glistens my eyes

Because they were injured and hurt so many times

They are blind now..

Stay away from me

A bitch in me will bite you before you know

All those lacklusture words of prey

I get it,dont you get it??

Just stay the hell out of my life!!

Beautifully uncertain..

The ode called life..

I have always believed in the beauty of uncertainties…the utter joy in helplessness turned into unfathomable satisfaction.

Growing up if somebody ever told me I will see the world one day,I used to start day dreaming about all the places I would see and what I would be doing.The sheer anticipation in an adolescent mind about the wanders of an uncertain future..

Yes,I travelled the world and yes it is definitely nothing like I had planned but that was the best part of it.I had gone through so many bends,twists,turns,curves,slopes and corners that ultimately I realised the journey was the ultimate dream and the uncertainty associated with it was and hopefully will continue to be what my life is all about..

Do not judge me as a mad girl yelling at the top of a cloud laden mountain with sheer joy just because on the way there she was not sure she will get to see the top…It was the cloud in my mind that finally cleared when I reached the top of the cloudy mountain because my life was actually happening during my climb..All those tiny feelings gushing out together and making my heart beat faster(It could be hypoxia as well!!),all those emotions floating above my head making it light…that was what was making my life worth living..

I am a wanderer

I make no plans

Life takes me where it wants

Holding my hands

Sometimes in the dunes or in the desert

Sometimes it takes me into my own heart

It doesnt matter where I go though,

For all I see is all I know

And honestly I just see a dream

The lucid realms of a sparkling stream

Makes me happy makes me sing

A beautiful eclipse like a diamond ring

I am married to this uncertain road

There’s my forever like a beautiful ode…

Its not a dream..

Its not a dream..

The places I have seen aren’t they all but my imagination?

The dreams that had spun a web of familiar catastrophes,

Inside the bewildered mind another heart collapsed,

Am I a little to soft for this hard assed world?

You wanted me to travel and so did I,

But you never said the rocks weren’t meant to be turned

You stupid little mind what were you thinking?

My heart is even more stupid than you..

Now I dream and dream and never wake up,

The solemn vow once made is unnerving and shaken,

Bewilderment is for the fools,

So here I am spellbound again…

Hurt me again hurt me with the rigid real world!!

For all they care is to wake me up from my dream,

If they ever knew what a nightmare is,

I wonder if they will ever fall asleep..

Oh yes,I am a little too soft even for my dreams…

A mad girl’s love locks..

I wish I could show you

The tiny droplets of dew

Oozing out a morning glow

On a green velvety leaf

That now shines with moistened pride..

I wish I could make you feel

How the little babies of fur

From a wild faline, purr

And surrounds the bush

With their wild innocence..

I wish you would notice the smile

Of the old wrecked vagabond

With withered skin and tangled hair

Because he picked the freshest flower

I would not explain you though

Because you wont understand

I am a lost child,a waste of your world

But my eyes were never fixed

On your buildings that block the sky

Or the car that you wreck the world with

Because my talent is not meant for you

Its meant for me and the dewdrop

And the leaf or the kitten

I pick up the freshest flower every morning

And I dance with the stars most nights…

Call me a fool,if you will

Ill see another mountain tomorrow

And open my arms to death with a big smile

For I have befriended life for life

And death is not fear but a lover

Because I have nothing to lose….

There is a house on the corner where noone lives and yet it is so alive…

It still breathes

There is a house on the corner of my street I often see when i walk around my block and I wonder why is it always so quiet…Yes,nobody lives there but then why do I feel like it is alive…

There are voices, there are echoes, there are quiet noises that fill me up everytime I pass that house!!I can hear joyous humming and I wonder what it would be like to be invited to the invisible dinner.I hear mournful frequencies of what feels like the loss of a loved one and I feel the urge to offer some comfort..There are times I just stand and stare at the house..and i feel like its heaving..The weight somtimes buries me down and I wonder what is it that it is trying to suppress and sometimes when I stroll around in the eatly morning I feel like as if it is smiling at me and rejoicing the fresh dew and the freshly woken up sun..I wave back!!

I have slowly started to realise that maybe its not the house..maybe its not only that house..maybe I feel it for every other house and its inhabitants and maybe I never bothered to stop and stare because I was already playing in the story of MY house…maybe all the houses are alive and maybe all of them talks to one another and shares their story..my story..our story…what a beautiful melody will that be..when all of our stories are played simultaneously and the echo reaches the universe and creates a frequency that vibrates in endless loops over the sky of countless stars…

The lonely house…I think is not so lonely after all…

I started walking again….the sun is up and as I turned my back I felt it is waving at me again…my old friend…I am a part of your story too…

I wonder… should it be the nocturnal wander??

Often I wonder why I do what I do and why i feel what i feel.does it always resonate with my soul and then again when i need it I cannot find it anyway.

The sombre evening of a small town nook in an unknown city just by myself,cannot excite me enough to move in the direction of the road which ends in a bend and maybe goes somewhere I should have reached a long time ago.

Instead I wait,I wait until the sun hides behind those well lit mountains with mini shades of what are actually people’s lives.When its dark,and,I am completely sure that I am unsure of whats beyond the bend and there is no other way to find out which way to go,I treasure the excitement and I grab it and off I go.Into the unknown.

Then after what was an adventure of my never complaining ever contemplating soul,I sit again by the same nook in an old rusty shop reminiscent of the stories of enchanted travellers lost already into the scope of wonder and relentless wander,I start to think.

Sometimes it is hard for me to see my choices are wrong or not well probed but then again even if I sit and cry and accumulate those moments of journey like a well knit mesh of time separated in moments then do I really need to cry.

There lies my eternal dilemma…Why do I do what I do and why do I feel what I feel and where is it that I want to go and is it too pointless to change or is it better to evolve and maybe take the bend but wait till dawn or not take the bend and rest by the nook forever for; Is it not the place in so many moments that I actually wanted to be?

My Nightwatchman sleeps..and His dreams keep me safe..

The all watching soul

The universe already likes you..you are a part of the masterplan..but i wonder if we know it…

Saw the security guard one day and then days after days and now that I am here I cant help but notice..he just sleeps..his routine is amazing though..eats his dinner..washes his plate..lights a coil to deter mosquito invasions and then he sleeps..i come out to the balcony..1am..2am..3am..4am…he sleeps..one chair for his body and one for his legs…two chairs..partners of crime and laid across in a manner that enunciates comfort in a lower middle class manner..

What do I make of it??Well,the entire building is asleep..thinking he is protecting us…and he is asleep thinking…nothing bad will ever come across so he actually has to prove his worth…

The level of what he has to do and what he has to believe is directly proportional to the trust emblemed in him…

Yet,in a routinely manner,my watchman sleeps every night of his duty believing in the good morale of the human and we sleep every night believing in the good morale of him…

Who wins depends on the strength of our belief..universe conspires to give us what we want..but if what we want is perceptional…universe takes an account of the strength of willpower and belief…

And clearly..he wins at that…so all is well…or so i believe..when i wake up in India..in a city where people are robbed…but looking at my old man..i get a strength..believing in the obnoxious dream…

We are safe..we are sound..and everything we stand forth stands true…until he wakes up…from his dream…where he is safe..

My nightwatchman dreams of keeping me safe and I am safe as long as his dreams have the virtue of truth in it…I’ll sleep through the night and I’ll wake up safe just because he dreamt a happy one..

Dream big..dream safe..your soul is your nightwatchman..you are safe as long as you dream of being safe..He is washing his dishes again..I better let him sleep..For his dreams keep me safe and sound..Let the darkness take over for he has a new dream to dream..

When it rains…i spread my wings..

Bring it on zeus…i love rain..

Oh it was raining today…again..the lightning,the thunder,the sound of water as it splashes on the surface and the little crowns it makes on the ground…the thousands and thousands of crowns that form as the rain kisses the earth and transforms itself into just flowing water…

Life is miraculous..All we need is to stand and stare…and watch the mystery unfold..I took my coffee to the rooftop just to watch..But as it began to pour…and i looked up at the sky and the lightning struck..spreading from one end to the other…i felt like its smiling at me…asking me to be a friend..to be a part of this mystery..

And who am I not to abide…After all,I am already a spectator of the living..So i joined..tiptoed to the open..and the sheer bliss…the tiny drops were now making small crowns against my body and turning into a flow of water,a flow of energy,going through me to the surface to the earth and beyond..

Am I not one with this mystery now??Am I not a part of this beautiful wilderness that was the creator’s pride..I am and I feel ecstatic..even now after all that is washed away..

It is still in me..the thunder,the lightning,the rain,the wind,the trees,the smell,the earth,the sky…

I am the sky now…watching it unfold in so many forms just like me…smiling crying mocking raging me..

And then I spread my wings…And I flew with the rain..somewhere in this world or the other..who knows where to fly..But who cares where to fly…the journey is my motivation…and the destination is…well…look…it started pouring again..will you come join me and be a part of the mystery???Let us reunite with the masterpiece and form the art that was meant to be lost in the process only to be found in the broken pieces…

Let it rain..then…

My guitar asks me to dream again..

My guitar sits at a corner and looks me in the soul..here i am..one of your unfulfilled dreams..what are you doing about it??

Hello friends!!

Here I am again…offering you a piece of my being…It was raining before and I was listening to some music and nodding away to the sombre tunes that soothes my gloomy heart when I realised that its been long…very long…since I have actually touched my guitar.The guitar that i bought way back,the guitar that i thought will bring me peace and clarity,the guitar for which I once had to let go of someone…Yet….

It stands there…quietly now…more like a memoir than a possession…dwelling in the past maybe like me..reminiscing the old times like an old friend.A lot has happened in life,no doubt,but looking at the rains outside and the thunderstorm that resonates with my mind now,I cant help but wonder,isn’t it time to start again???

We leave so many things halfway as if we have all the time in the world to come back to them..what if we dont??What if all that we leave behind are gone forever like the layer of earth washed away by rains only to form sediments that get buried within ..

I will start again.No more leaving behind..no more living behind,dwelling in despair in the past that is just a figment of my life gone and done.I will play again,I will create again and I will recreate moments in a better way so that my future thanks me for bringing joy.

I touched my old friend,I gently strum its strings and it cried out loud in joy..more like in tune with the rain outside.Oh!!the wonders of the universe.My guitar smiled at me and I smiled back!!

What would you start again friends??what was it that you left behind??Its time to go back and recreate…don’t you think?

Offer yourself to the universe..and find your real name..

How often do we find ourselves in the middle of a chaos not knowing what to do next… Yet,somehow,in the deepest reach to our innerself where we can still listen to ourselves,we know that we will somehow survive through this…

As i was saying before,this Covid 19 and the impairment of the entire world makes me think…we humans are so thick,so heavy and so still..like a thick mud we are somehow stuck.Never realising that we are just a spec of dust and we will vanish..no matter what.We own nothing and the earth doesnt owe us nothing.

I planned for the next six months,I knew what I was going to do and I had absolutely every detail planned out.Everything but one,the change.

I want to be the air now,free flowing,no attachment,no bearings,just heavy enough to feel my own existence and light enough to blow away my own lies and hypocrisy.

We all need help.All of us need somebody.Somedays I need my mother more than anybody,somedays I need my sister or my bestfriend and other days I need a guide,a teacher.But the days when I think I need nobody to survive,I need the higher power,the energy,the higher frequency.

As I keep looking outside,through my window far up or left or right,I feel the unfathomable need to thank the universe.I am alive.And i can do whatever I want in a humane dimension and yet feel so powerful.Cannot possibly imagine if all these natural forces decides to do whatever they want in one day,I will not be there to feel anything anymore,let alone powerful.

I need to change and I NEEDED A CHANGE.Now,I see me as a vague reflection of a variety of broken emotions,dreams and aspirations,achievements and accoloades,losses and misfortunes.

And so I will start seeing me more clearly through me,taking each step with so much gratitude and each breath with utter joy,because no matter what,the last few months have taught me,life is an on going process.There are seasons for us.There has to be cleaning,decluttering and fresh arrivals and the process will continue.

I am offering myself to the universe,just like the priests do before an auspicious start and then I will start my journey to find my real name…

Takecare you all….Let me know what you think…And tag me along your journey…I would love to be a part of this exploration!!